Friday, May 13, 2016

Girl, you don't need makeup

So ... I recently reposted a comic on Facebook that ended up ruffling some feathers and starting a thread of arguments in the comments.

This was it:


Let me clarify -- I wouldn't suggest saying this to anyone, and I don't think men who criticize women's makeup deserve to die (or that anyone should die for giving unsolicited opinions on someone else's appearance).

THAT BEING SAID,

There's a reason this comic struck a nerve with me based on personal experience; and I know other women feel the same way and have had similar experiences.

(A quick Google search confirmed my assumption.)

I don't mean to talk shit about anyone, but the above picture hit a personal nerve with me that pushed me to repost it and I think warrants explaining. I had an ex-boyfriend who will remain unnamed who had strong opinions about if I wore makeup and what clothes I wore. His opinion was that all women look better with no makeup. And he didn't think I should wear any makeup at all. Whatsoever.

Any time I wore makeup - and it didn't matter how little or how much I wore - he'd remind me of his opinion of makeup (as if I had forgotten). When I entered my 20s, my acne suddenly got worse than it ever was in my teens (God, WHY?), and said boyfriend would discourage me from wearing makeup EVEN when I had ugly, cystic acne all over my chin.

And here's the thing - I never asked him for his opinion. I never said, "Hey, boyfriend, does my makeup look ok today?" "What do you think of this makeup look?" "Do you approve?"

If I could turn back time, this is what I would say to ex-boyfriend whenever he commented on my makeup:

"I am a grown woman. I make my own decisions. I wear makeup for me, not for you. If you can't respect my decisions, then we have a problem."

Many other women likely feel this way. When I do my makeup, pick out my clothes, decide what color my hair should be and how I want it styled, I do it for me. I'm not trying to attract a man or impress anyone else. I base how I look off of what makes ME feel good.

Some days, putting on some makeup makes me feel more confident that if I weren't wearing any.

Other days, I think I look good how I woke up, or I'm feeling lazy, or I just don't want to put any makeup on!

This goes both ways. I think that, in general, people in relationships shouldn't try to micromanage their partner's appearance. I honestly couldn't dream of telling my boyfriend how to dress, or whether to wear glasses, or if he should shave his head.

Why? Because while him being hella handsome sweetened the deal between us, I didn't decide to date him solely based on his looks. On our first date, I wasn't thinking "Oh man, I can't WAIT to give him wardrobe tips!" as we ate at El Chico (Yeah, we went to El Chico on our first date. It was romantic).



Some men responded on Facebook, "Hey, if I tell a woman she doesn't need makeup, she should take it as a compliment! It means she's naturally pretty!"

Ok, I acknowledge that people may have good intentions when telling women they don't need makeup. But I would suggest framing the compliment in a different way. Think of saying, "You're a real natural beauty!" Or, "You always look good, regardless of whether you're wearing makeup." I would definitely take those as compliments rather than reacting negatively.

But as a general rule of thumb, don't give unsolicited opinions on other people's appearances in general - unless it's a flatout compliment like "That outfit looks great on you!"

If you don't support the wearing of makeup, then don't wear makeup.

As always, Amy Schumer has a hilarious sketch on this subject.


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